Below is my outline/cheat sheet/”Cuban Cliff’s Notes” that I used as a guide for the important discussion – “How to talk to your child about sex”- 
http://us.macmillan.com/howtotalktoyourchildaboutsex/LindaEyre with extremely helpful tips & encouragement from the Linda & Richard Eyre book – : it was recommended to me that I share this for other parents that are preparing to have the “birds & bees” talk – so here is the share-out of the “talk” (captured early in 2013) & the frame for our family’s ongoing invitation/intention to talk about everything.
Confirming Roles:
– My wife is the CEO of the house & CEO of the kids time/schedule/etc – AND I am the leader of the family – AND Rosy is my baby girl, so I have preemptively taken the lead on this (we’ve been talking/preparing since Rosy was 8 -she’s 9 now) & Kelly was grateful that I did – Kelly was not comfortable with the topic, the timing, nor the conversation – I included her in the prep, but she was happier to let me run with it – I reassured her “I got it”
The Dinner:
– Rosy was adorable – I had made reservations for 5pm at her favorite restaurant – The White Chocolate Grill & i had flowers sent to the restaurant ahead of time so they were waiting at the table (i did it, not my assistant…granted, she was on vaca out of the office this week – i did it – so proud of myself for that apparently) – we made it a special, positive, memorable and meaningful night – it was so cute to see her be excited about the grown up conversation & know that we trusted her enough to talk to her about it….the story I’m telling myself is you could almost see it fueling her confidence and connection to us. I could see the bonding happening, wow. Kelly did great with color commentary throughout which helped make it feel even more natural.
The Quote of the Night:
Conversational context for the quote of the night can be seen below in the red font, in short the leading question we asked to get to the topic of life, the body, babies etc is “What do you think is the most awesome thing on earth?” – she answered: “Bacon?” we responded with laughter and then “yes, bacon, and what else….”
The Take Away: it felt natural – for all the anxiousness surrounding the idea of “having the talk” & the fear of doing it wrong, it turns out that it felt really natural & pretty awesome – mostly because we felt prepared & equipped for H2 ensure it was delivered as a really positive conversation – in the end, it was a gloriously educational night for me, us, all of the viton’s after all; not just a learning night for Rosy.
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OVERVIEW/GAMEPLAN
1) share the mechanics/biology of where babies come from – its natural
2) Talk about how beautiful and awesome sex can be when it happens in a committed, loyal, exclusive-love relationship
this is about teaching kids to be sexually responsible and , sexually happy
3) Reinforce the tone/practice for our family’s promise to always be a part of trusting each other and always talking about everything with her-always – especially when she’s worried or doesn’t understand something
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THE SETUP
Its a big deal – your special night! you picked the restaurant
– we’re gonna let you in on a very exciting secret – most wonderful & awesome thing in the world that we can share with you
– it is a secret about a very growtn up thing that most kids wont know about, but YOU will
– our parents didn’t reallly share/talk with us, we wish they did
BUT its our secret so don’t talk about it
THE TRUTH
Your friends are gonna be talking about it AND you’ll know the truth – we want you to know the truth
– we’re telling you the facts before others thell you nonsense
WE’re always going to tell you the truth; If you ever have any questions you come to Mommy & Daddy
THERE IS NOTHING WE WON’T DO FOR YOU – do you know we love you more than our jobs, or car, our house, and more than any of our friends – we love you more than anything, except maybe each other – did you know that?
that’s why we’re excited to tell you this fantastic secret because its about LOVE and you
– does that give you any clues?
What do you think is the most awesome thing on earth? – Rosy’s actual answer: “BACON?”
BODY & MIND & PEOPLE…..people, how DO people get made? – how do babies get made?
DO YOU REMEMBER when you were a baby? we remember when you were a tiny baby….you just had to grow & become you…
– Where do you think babies come from?
– how do babies get in mommy’s belly?
– how did that little baby get started in there?
(not quizzing her, making it exploratory and interesting – at one point we thought she was feeling embarrassed for not knowing the answers yet, so we made sure to say “that’s ok, you’re not supposed to know the answers yet”)
who do you think should become parents?
– what kind of people would be the best parents?
– why would it be important for a baby’s mom and dad to love each other?
LEAD IN TO THE “SPECIAL HUG” DISCUSSION
how do you show people you love them?
can you show people you love them with your body/arms/lips? (kiss/hug)?
and if a man & woman are falling in love, what kind of kissing might they do?
Did you know there is an even bigger, better kind of hug that a husband and wife can do?
– it makes them feel really good and feel really loved AND this is the special kind of big hug that can get a baby to start growing inside the MOM – isn’t that cool?
GO TO THE VISUALS/picture books
Lets have you/Mommy read the PICTURE book together on the ipad – “where do babies come from (ibook on itunes)” and then the “HOW BABIES ARE MADE” book/app – both are comic book style sketch book with enough silliness, science and harmless images – all of which fill in lots of the blanks for the curious little minds
DID YOU KNOW? COMMENTARY:
be personal about how much it lets us show our love
and how private and wonderful it is when you SAVE IT FOR JUST ONE SPECIAL PERSON
AND isn’t amazing how a whole person grows from just that one tiny cell?
– did you know any of that before? what have you heard about sex? – Rosy’s answer: she was not aware of the info, but she said she had heard of “the stork” & from the somewhat shocked look on her face while Mommy was flipping through the picture book, I believe that it was new to her – i’ll confess that initially when I saw her shocked face I had the panic twinge of “oh no! this is too much information/she needs Daddy to rescue her from this and put her back in her safety bubble” and then she would giggle or say something funny about the book and the TAILS on the millions of sperm & then she’d take a bite of her bbq ribs or have a french fry – she was fine & didn’t need Dad to rescue her at all – she needed Dad to just stick to the plan with confidence – so i did.
do you think your friends know very much about this?
– sometimes kids haven’t learned about sex from their parents – they only know parts of it & don’t understand how/why its awesome/special
– sometimes they joke about it or make fun of it just because they don’t know all the things you know now. –
– so when you hear something silly or weird, just be glad you know the real truth
– you can always come and tell me/mom if you hear something you don’t understand – OK?
PUBERTY IS NEXT TIME
is something that happens to kids a little older than you…it gets their bodies ready to have babies….we will have another talk soon about puberty and the amazing changes and good things that will happen as you go from being a girl to a woman.
Even if a boy and girl go through puberty and are big enough to have a baby, do you think they should?
no –
And do you think with something this special its best to wait to have sex with just the one person you love most – like your husband?
Do you think the big, awesome kind of hug we talked about is pretty important/special? –
would you want to do it with a lot of people or just one really special person? – like your husband?
SOMEDAY…
REMEMBER when we started we said this talk would be a bout love and about you?
Someday you will fall in love and want to be with him all the time & you’ll want to share all your love
– Do you think it would be a good idea to save that big special hug (short name is sex) for someone totally special?
YES & so do we –
We love you so much and its because of this wonderful thing called sex that someday YOU will have a child to love as much as we love you.
Maybe when your little boy or girl is 9, you’ll have this talk too – do you think so?
CLARIFICATION ABOUT WORDS & INTENT
You’ll hear lots of stuff about sex in the next few years – some good, but some mixed up since a lot of people don’t know the awesome stuff we’ve tod you. Anytime you hear anything that bothers you or makes you have a question, ask us – we’ll give you the answer.
Will you do that?
The big special hug is called lots of things – best one is “making love”
– because two people should really really love each other before they do it
– its a way of making the other person know how much you love them
Sometimes the big special hug is called “having sex”
or silly dirty names like “screwing” or even a word that we call the “f” word because we don’t like to say it.
Have you ever heard any of these words? How did they make you feel?
– usually when people use those words they aren’t really thinking about how beautiful and awesome sex should be & when kids use those other words, they’re just trying to sound grown up or cool – OR maybe they haven’t been told all of it like you have….
…..so when you hear stuff like that on TV or from other kids, just realize they’re probably not thinking about what it means.
Why would it be bad for you to use words like that?
NOT ALWAYS = BABY
making love or having sex doesn’t always start a baby, but it should always show how much a man and a woman love each other
– it shouldn’t happen unless they are committed and loyal to each other
– do you know what those two words mean?
What do you think loyal means? (caring about someone, supporting them, keeping promises)
What do you think commitment means? (being true to someone – loving them more than anyone else – staying with them – marriage)
Why would it be a bad idea to have sex with someone you didn’t feel committed and loyal to?
(its too special, if you did with other people it wouldn’t be special – you wouldn’t be loyal or committed – or disease?)
stay on point = sex, UNLESS misused is the most beautiful and awesome thing and the reason for saving it is to keep it special
WRAP UP – strong closing – this is the point – my favorite part!
ITS been so great to talk about this with you – HUG her.
Its great that you are old enough to know about something this awesome.
It makes us feel really close to you to have this kind of talk.
I think we could talk to each other about anything don’t you?
Sometimes when kids get older, they start to think their parents don’t understand them so they don’t talk about what they’re thinking or what they;re worried about – do you think that’ll ever happen to us?
WE WILL BE SURE IT DOESN’T – WE’LL TRUST EACH OTHER AND TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING
– ESPECIALLY WHEN WE’RE WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING OR DON’T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING
– THAT’S WHAT FAMILIES ARE FOR.
FOLLOW UP TALK A COUPLE WEEKS AFTER…and the talk with Raffi in 2014.
INNOVATION LEADERSHIP 